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User talk:DrMafia
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Logic Tells Us page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! WhyAmIReadingThis (talk) 19:41, December 28, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:09, December 28, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:00, December 29, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:02, January 19, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story It was deleted for not being up to quality standards. Starting with the basics that really had no bearing on the story's deletion but was still important to learn, "I Thought I heard Something" isn't properly titled. It should be titled: "I Thought I Heard Something". There were additionally a number of wording, punctuation, and capitalization issues (beyond what you originally corrected.). Wording: There were a lot of fragmented sentences that gave the story a choppy feel. "The first time you are left home alone.", "Besides, you aren't a baby anymore.", "And you don't need a babysitter.", "Logically, the odds were low.", "But it didn't bother me.", "Again.", "Nothing.", "I sighed.", "This I knew.", etc. Once or twice is fine for effect but multiple times gives the story a very disjointed/incomplete feel. You also start a lot of sentences with conjunctions (but, and, because, etc.) which also gives the story a very unpolished feel if used excessively. Punctuation: You misuse commas a number of times. "you can show mom, (not needed) and dad just how grown-up...", "drag me down to the depths of insanity, and sorrow.", You are listing two items and not using "and" as a conjunction. "Confused(comma needed) I swiveled around." You should also hyphenate words that are compound. "eighty (-) six" Awkward wording: "The door to the stairway lay wide open, as I had left it, taunting me.", "When a dog growls at something not involving you, you'd be wise to heed it's warning." Additionally since dogs have genders, you really should use "their" instead, its is more for objects. "I accepted finally the inevitability of my venture down into the dark depths.", "Hot tears flooded my cheeks as the thoughts flowed through my head like a rapid river.", etc. I would recommend reading the story aloud to yourself to catch these issues. Wording issues cont.: You misuse a lot of words. "a possible intruder attempting to salvage the house. " Salvage means to rescue (typically a wrecked or disabled ship or its cargo) from loss at sea. "Gulping in as much of the warm air my lungs could carriage", "With a cock of her head she bowed her head in substance (submission?)", etc. Capitalization issues: Miss-capitalized words. "I thought I Heard (heard) Something (something)." You also corrected the instance of not capitalizing the pronoun "I" so I won't cite it. Grammar: It's=it is, its=possession. " Its (It's) a time", "heed it's warning", "The tension left my body, and fatigue too (sic) up it's (its) place.", etc. Their=possession. They're=they are. There=indicatory. " I began to shake violently at the horrifying thought of what was awaiting me down in their." Story issues: The story is being told in past tense so the ending comes off as odd. "His breath smelled of charred flesh, and broiled blood. After what felt like an eternity held prisoner to his ensnare, the man spoke. "I thought I Heard Something."" It feels off to leave it at that point without any real sense of explanation of the after-effects. (The protagonist survived as the story is in past tense.) It also feels odd that this would be one of the few references to the home invader as it seems like it would play a much larger role as the protagonist is recounting their experience. There are a few more other issues, but those were the most pressing. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:01, January 19, 2016 (UTC) :Yup, you too. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:39, January 28, 2016 (UTC)